Dating a man going through a nasty divorce
If you want to try & save your marriage, this is the time for you to start making drastic changes.
There are no guarantees, and you have to remember that you cannot control the decisions your partner makes, but I’ve seen amazing things happen when one person in the marriage begins making positive changes.
In their panic and desperation, they cannot see how their actions are pushing their partner even further away.
They see their world falling apart and they begin to panic. But invariably, they do all the wrong things to try and save the marriage.
* The most common cause of conflict in separation and divorce is lack of mutuality in the decision—in other words, both spouses haven’t accepted the idea that you’re breaking up.
Ideally, the decision would be arrived at together, but in most cases one spouse decides alone after taking time to think about it, get advice from friends or professionals, process emotions and make plans.
If you are the first to decide, you are in a unique and powerful position to affect the future tone of the divorce.
You can’t stop your spouse from leaving, but do not offer to be the one who moves out first. If your response to reading this is “But what about when he/she does……” put your focus back on saving the marriage not on who is at fault.
Fortunately, because we go through this with other couples a few thousand times a year, we know exactly what you can do, and the kinds of things you must avoid, to make breaking up as smooth as possible.
Whether you are a married couple, or have been living together in a long-term committed relationship, breaking up is almost always painful, but the essential thing is to avoid unnecessary pain and cost, much of which can be avoided or minimized if you are careful.
What’s worse, a long, hard divorce is more likely because the first spouse is ready to break up right away while the other spouse is upset and still working through denial and resistance.
This person hasn’t had time to process the reality and will be in some kind of emotional upset, in no way ready to discuss details or work out accommodations.